Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
