if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
