I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
