did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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