Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
