I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
