So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
