I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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