I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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