Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
