How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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