does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
