I wish I could teleport
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize