so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
