I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
