The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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