in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize