Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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