It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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