Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
