I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
