last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
