as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
