I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
