I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
