Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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