dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
