someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
