we made out on top of his cat.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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