you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
