Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
