I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
