Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
