Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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