Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
