yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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