i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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