i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
