and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
