Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
