btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
