Do you still have your period?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was like eating out sand paper
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
