I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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