I cockslap morals
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
