he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
