Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Panties = found
Randomize
