i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
