how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
