At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
