he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
