he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
