i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
