he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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