Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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