That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found your dick twin last night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
