So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My dick has a subreddit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
