Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
