I looked at my own cervix.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
