You're a womanizer and a bitch.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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