does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize