But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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