I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize