I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
