No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
