Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
