is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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