Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
