as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
