I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
