I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
