Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
