dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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