Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
