So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize