you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
