Kiss
Puke
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
